Mine Games

If you’re in the mood for “5 teens head into a remote cabin the woods” type of film, then this could potentially be your film.  Although I only gave the film a measly 2.5/5 stars, it may still be worth a watch if you like this specific sub-genre of horror.  This teen slasher comes pretty standard; characters with little to no personality, drugs, sex, alcohol, bad choices, and of course, murder.  However, this movie is a bit more than just a slasher; in a surprise twist of events, the film turns out to have some supernatural elements included in it as well.  Not exactly a ghost story, but a paranormal film.  At the beginning/middle of the film, it became extremely obvious who the killer was, which made me almost want to switch off the film.  However, enjoying myself on a rare 48-hour weekend, I couldn’t be asked to switch off the film and then start browsing for something else.  I attribute my completion of the film to sheer laziness.  In the end though, I was glad I watched the movie all the way through.  The gore was way below standard and I barely felt any element of surprise.  I wouldn’t even go as far as to say the film was scary.  Luckily, the director seemed to come up with at least a decent idea of how to make this shit movie a bit less shit: have it take place in a creepy mine.  I have to admit, the scenery of the mind was grim.  The only time the movie was eery and had a horror feel to it was during the mine scenes.  Unfortunately, that makes up only about 20% of the movie; so if you can handle a movie that’s 80% bore no gore, then this could possibly be a film for you.  I’m not exactly selling anybody on this, am I? Basically, I only watched this movie because I was in the mood to see a bunch of moronic teens get picked off one by one.  I didn’t have high expectations for the movie, so my substandard expectations were met.  There was a cool surprise twist at the end which is what even made me consider writing this movie review in the first place.  I can’t actually go ahead and recommend this one right off the bat, but like I said, if you’re in the mood for a teen slasher, this one is definitely not your average one.  How do you think this one rates amongst other teen slashers? Leave your answers in the comments!

The Town That Dreaded Sundown

Maybe something has been in my drinking water lately.  Maybe I am just generally in a better mood than I usually am when watching horror films.  Maybe my prayers for decent, watchable horror movies have finally been answered and slowly but surely, quality horror is making its way on to the big screen.  Either way, I was stunned that I enjoyed The Town That Dreaded Sundown as much as I did and can’t wait to tell you why you will most likely enjoy it as well.  First of all, 4/5 stars, would highly recommend NOT missing this film.  Second of all, bloody and gory sex and violence.  As much as I despise the whole “sex sells” concept, especially when half of a horror film is based around corny sex scenes rather than an actual plot, this movie came up with some creative scenes that definitely delivered a happy ending.  I have to admit, some of the scenes were a little explicit, more than that corny shit you’re used to seeing in horror. I’ll leave it at that.  However, they made for some deliciously twisted kill scenes.  The story itself was decent enough, not too much of a mindfuck.  High school girl survives brutal attack while hooking up with boyfriend in middle of woods.  Small town in the Midwest full of hicks and bible thumpers use hilariously religious cliches to stop pre-marital sex.  Everyone gets laid and then dies in brutal and original kill scenes at the hands of our masked serial killer.  Said high school girl attempts research on the history of infamous boogeyman/ serial killer. Twists and turns occur and we found out who was unexpectedly the killer this whole time.  Like I said, decent yet standard plot.  However, I loved the way it was executed and that it truly was an entertaining and somewhat intelligent scare.  Usually in horror films, I feel like I am trapped watching mildly educated characters get picked off one by one by the serial killer.  Basically, I feel like most serial killer films are just a countdown of stupid characters dying in creative ways until the only remaining character, the one with the intelligence of all the other characters combined, unmasks the killer and defeats him.  Not saying that this movie was any different, but at least I didn’t hate every single character in the movie solely based off of their stupidity.  Each of the characters put up a good fight in their murder scenes and didn’t have that corny bullshit personality that most horror movie characters have.  The kill scenes were surprisingly brutal, I even had to look away a few times because of the blood and absolute heartlessness of the killer.  I would be lying if I said that the ending had some crazy surprise twist to it.  Nothing about the movie was really that much of a thought-stealer or anything you would think about once the movie was over.  I do have to say though, that the movie was very entertaining and fun to watch.  It keeps your attention the whole time and for once, I feel like I don’t have to put up with any corny bullshit.  Actually I lied, the religious cliches are still there, but only contributed to the hilarity and the religious undertones in the film.  I wasn’t necessarily sold on this film right from the beginning,but by the end I was completely satisfied; enough that I wrote this great review and am now encouraging you to watch as well.  As usual, “share your scare” in the comments and let me know what you think of the film!

Murder Set Pieces

On a quest to truly horrify myself with both visually terrifying and mentally disturbing movies, I spent hours searching through other people’s “disturbing movies lists” in order to find something that would tickle my fancy.  I came across Murder Set Pieces on quite a few lists and fancied the trailer.  I decided to check out the movie since I was convinced this would be what I was finally looking for.  I was left high, dry, and disappointed.  For a movie with absolutely appalling acting, a laughable plot, and absolutely no budget, the gore was actually pretty badass. Enough that I will give this movie 2/5 stars, but sadly not enough for me to recommend this movie.  This movie was a waste of time and to think that it made any type of movie lists (besides for movies to skip) has truly baffled me.  Amongst other things to baffle me, are Google’s ability to lead me websites where I can trust the “disturbing movie lists”; clearly I cannot, seeing as this movie made many of those lists.  This film is about a fashion photographer that seems normal during the day, but at night likes to murder and completely butcher his models on camera.  To add insult to injury, the photographer seems to have some connection to Nazi Germany and repeatedly speaks in German while the film zooms in on Nazi memorabilia.  As if I was not already offended by the low quality of the film and all the actors inability to actually act, they have to throw in some type of Nazi, woman-hating malarkey to add to a story line that already makes little to no sense.  The reality of the story line is that there is no story line.  It seems to just be a steaming pile of crap that somehow managed to pull of realistic and disturbing gore.  The photographer in the movie is quite relentless which I guess is the only good thing that made this movie watchable for me.  There are so many great movies out there with gore that actually make sense.  Unfortunately this was not one of them.  The gore isn’t even memorable enough for me to tell you to check this movie out.  Please just move forward and pretend like you were never interested in seeing this movie in the first place.  And remember, next time you come across a movie recommendation list that mentions this movie, know that it is completely unreliable and keep searching.

Maniac (2012)

To say that I merely liked Maniac would be an extreme understatement of the love I feel towards this epic piece of art. I LOVED this movie. Absolutely LOVED it.  Rather than compare it to the original (which I don’t want to do because they were both so good) I’m just going to go ahead and give you a little taste of what you will be getting into as soon as you dim the lights and tune into Maniac (which you will be doing after you read this post because my writing is just that convincing).  Fast forward a few decades and you have a revamped version of a grisly, grisly classic.  To say that director, Franck Khalfoun remade the movie would be an inaccurate statement.  Rather, he used some ideas from the movie as well as the original title to form a completely new movie watching experience.  My favorite thing about this film and what I found so innovative was that the movie lived up to its name.  The audience is literally spending the movie in the point of view of an absolute maniac.  Everything is seen through the eyes of mommy issue serial killer, Frank.  Not only do you get to experience his debilitating migraines, you get the opportunity to see his split personality and how he is constantly teetering on the edge of sanity and trying to keep himself looking as normal as possible.  His vivid hallucinations make you wonder what’s real and what’s not real in the film and the overall movie-watching experience is quite different from many other horrors I have seen.  Usually when you are getting a first person view of a horror, it is with a hand-held cam and you are subject to jump factors such as loud noises and random scary shit unexpectedly (but not really) popping onto the screen.  With “Maniac”, its more of a psychological journey and puts a fresh spin onto the first person point of view thing.

There was so much I like about this movie that I’m practically jumping out of my skin trying to write about it yet not give any spoilers.  If you haven’t been able to see from the trailer, Frank works at a mannequin shop where he restores old mannequins and sells them.  Mannequins are fucking creepy, are they not? This is a new element in horror that I really never see in movies.  Sometimes you get the scary mannequins here and there where they just make an appearance for a few seconds to scare the shit out of the viewer, but in “Maniac” the mannequins are used as characters rather than an actual scare factor.  I guess I would consider them a “creepy factor” in that they just add to the overall uncomfortable feeling you get from entering Frank’s mannequin shop and not-so-humble abode.  Frank is absolutely powerless to the maniac that lives inside of him and it is interesting to watch as both him and his victims suffer the ramifications of his attacks.  The story is a unique one I will say that, with a variety of victims that continue to live on even once Frank has murdered them.  The audience is haunted as much by them as Frank is.  Once Anna enters the story, who Frank falls for because she is seemingly the only female character he comes in contact with that he has feelings for, everything goes haywire and Frank is no longer able to keep his maniac under wraps.  The story plays out beautifully and tragically and its just so entertaining to watch.  If you’re wondering about the gore, which I obviously need to review in every film I watch, it was pretty alright.  Nothing unbearable (says the chick who marks down movies for not enough gore).  I gave it 4.5 out of 5 stars because it was pretty much perfect, but not enough gore for my taste.  I mean there was a lot, but nothing my sicko mind can’t handle.  The scalping was pretty gnarly, I must admit and the last scene in the movie was just haunting, but it wasn’t really pushing the envelope.  The movie pushed the envelope in so many other ways though that it didn’t really matter.  I would definitely recommend this movie to anyone that likes horror.  Although it isn’t necessarily scary, it gets the job done in provoking new thoughts in the mind of a horror nerd.  It’s a really good original piece and I hope everyone reading my review enjoys this movie as much as I did.

Chained

Considering I am a complete horror movie snob, nobody should be surprised or offended if I tell you I will watch a movie you recommend to me but then never actually do it.  This was one of those rare occasions where I tried to think outside of my box for once and take a fricken recommendation; and boy am I glad I did.  Somebody suggested I check out “Chained” and I was quite surprised to find out how deliciously disturbing and bloody it was.  Before watching the movie I peeped the trailer just so I could at least get a taste of what I was getting myself into.  Vincent D’Onofrio plays a psychopath with a knack for kidnapping, raping, and murdering women in his isolated house.  Things take a turn for the worse when he targets a woman with a 10 year old son.  He raises the boy as his own and keeps him chained in his house as his slave.  I was able to grasp that much from watching the trailer and that disturbed me enough to convince me this movie was for me.  Seeing as I get pretty bored with no change in scenery (the movie takes place in the killer’s house for the majority of the time), I did have to deduct an entire star for that.  However, it still gets a quite fantastic rating in my book; 4 out of 5 stars.  The movie is very cleverly put together and takes many unpredictable and original turns.  For once I felt like I wasn’t watching the same serial killer/ kidnapper shit and it was actually very smart.  Most horror these days, especially within the kidnapping/ serial killer category can quite easily become garbage.  You use the same cliched story and characters over and over again and there is just nothing new and exciting that you haven’t seen before.  This movie puts a new spin on some basic and common elements of horror and just comes up with something completely original.  The characters grow in ways I didn’t expect and the plot leaves you hanging at the end.  Kidnapping is an everyday thing, and with more reports in American news recently (in the past few years) of survivors being rescued after years of imprisonment, it is a terrifying thought that your Vincent D’Onofrio seemingly normal cab driver is actual a serial killer.  In my opinion, nothing is scarier than imagining the disturbing things that happen behind closed doors and this movie really dives into that.  I wouldn’t necessarily say this was a scary movie, but it was bloody and brutal enough and leaves disturbing thoughts in the mind.  I would definitely recommend this to anyone looking for something new to watch.  The end will leave creepy question marks in your head and actually hoping for a sequel. Enjoy and comment!

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D

The newest release in the TCM series seemed like the perfect occasion for me to drink my ass off with my friends while sporting some 3D glasses.  With that being said, that was exactly what I did.  Being the classy bitch I am, I nursed my paperbag-clad bottle of wine for the duration of the movie to ensure the absolute best movie-going experience, and here’s how it went down:

Overall, I would give the movie 2.5 out of 5 stars.  Seriously, not really that great of a plot, not many twists and turns, and too little screen time for all the characters except for the main character.  If you like seeing horror movies on the big screen, then yes I would recommend this.  If you are a huge TCM fan just like me, I would also recommend this.  If you are legitimately looking for a scary movie with a good plot, I would probably tell you to go look somewhere else because this is NOT your film.  The movie starts out with clips from the original TCM, which I found unnecessary.  Personally, I don’t like when remakes bring clips from the original films because I feel like it tarnishes and often contradicts the original storyline.  Anyways, that happened and the story ceased to make any sense from the get-go.  As usual with remakes containing footage from the originals, the plot changed and somehow Leatherface started the film with a huge family that was gunned down, with only him and his baby cousin surviving.  Fast forward 18 years, or however many years the main character, Heather, is supposed to be and her biological grandmother dies, leaving her an astonishingly beautiful estate.  Yes, there were a few differences between this and the original, but when 5 young adults take a van out to the middle of nowhere for a “vacation”, you know they’re all going to be hacked up into little pieces except for the main character.  So, with that being said, there’s really not much more to say about this film.  Its not like this is a new concept or anything, everything that was done on screen has been done a million times before and definitely done better.  I love myself a good 3d film, but unfortunately this one was lacking in effects and didn’t make the extra money spent on 3d vision worth it.  The gore was mildly cool, but nothing that you haven’t seen before.  The main character, Heather, was so typical, it killed me.  For once could they please make a character of substance? I guess not…. As for the other characters, the killings were way too simple and there was no game of cat and mouse between Leatherface and his victims, which I found made the movie pretty boring.  All the characters died pretty early on with little to no struggle, which is what made me rate the movie so low.  Heather was the only character constantly on screen, and even she wasn’t that interesting.

The story did take an interesting twist though and showed Leatherface as a different character than he was portrayed originally, but this didn’t really make the plot that much more “amazing”.  Thinking back on it, it was kind of dumb but it did have some good scares in there that got me going.  In my drunken stupor, yes I was that asshole in the theater jumping out of my seat screaming.  I’m not sure if the circumstances would have changed if I wasn’t under the influence of alcohol, but it sure did make my movie-viewing experience more enjoyable.  Overall, I would say you can definitely skip this movie and just never look back.  But if you are like me and you just have to see every scary movie that comes out on the big screen, then go ahead and bite the bullet, however, you have been warned about the content of this movie.

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

Why do I do these things? Just….. why? If you haven’t figured out the basic plot for the 6th installment of Halloween it goes a little something like this: Michael Myers is inevitably pissed off at a group of people that he is somehow connected to in the town of Haddonfield and decides the obvious answer is to chase them all down until he kills them. So……. basically the same plot as the previous 5 Halloween’s.  The story made less sense than the other sequels, and of course was equally dumb.  I gave the movie 1.5 out of 5 stars, and thats me being easy on the film.  As far as the plot goes, it really doesn’t make sense, and in a way, butchers the first film, seeing as it adds bits and pieces to the original story that just make it seem too corny and dumb for my liking.  On top of that, the acting was beyond horrific and almost hard to watch at some points.  If anything, that was the scariest part of the movie for me.  I wish I could at least give you a few more details about the plot, but to be honest I can’t make enough sense of it to begin explaining it to someone.  For all the above elements, I SHOULD have given the movie a 0.  The only redeeming quality the movie had was the gore.  Its not like it was a low budget film or anything, everything looked realistic and somehow Michael Myers still found new and innovative ways to kill his victims, even after 5 sequels.  Those parts were cool, but its not worth watching the movie.  Even as a Halloween fan I wouldn’t recommend this one.  There’s way better sequels to this movie out there, don’t waste your time on this garbage.

The Collection

The Collection is the gory bloodbath I feel I have been waiting years to see.  For once, I am beyond impressed with an American box office hit, and I am proclaiming it 5 out of 5 stars.  Now, drop what you’re doing and go catch this film.  Just kidding… Under no circumstances do you ever stop reading one of Gorror’s articles midway, never.  Now sit back down and let me get you all riled up about why this movie is just so goddam great.  I’m not sure how many of you choose gore over a decent plot, but for this movie, I did.  The plot is a bit uneventful and only takes place in one location primarily: the “collector’s” rigged and booby-trapped haven.  There were so many elements to this film, I don’t even know where to begin.  I’m not sure whether I should start with the piles of bloodied limbs skewed around the house or the zombified humans that once were, but I think I’m going to go ahead and begin with the rave that ended in a “final destination” type bloodbath with only 2 survivors and nearly 200 dead.  The main character, Elena is kidnapped by “the collector” and taken back to his humble abode, complete with zombies, half-dissected but still alive carcasses, completely dissected but still twitching carcasses, and of course flesh-eating dogs and terrifying creepy-crawlies (aka bugs).  If you think this movie sounds over-the-top and probably can’t get more ridiculous, I think you’re right.  Almost every single horror movie element imaginable is present in this movie.

As much as the plot didn’t really make that much sense, and the dialogue had little to no impact, this movie was a wild ride and basically took you on all types of twists and turns, even some loop-de-loops.  With each thing that happened I couldn’t help but be impressed by the over-the-top gore and action.  “The collector” (whose name you never really find out) is some type of mad scientist with sociopathic, artistic, and sadistic tendencies.  Not only does he torture his victims while slowly killing them, he then uses their body parts to construct grotesque artwork that adorns the abandoned hotel that he chooses to live out of.  On top of that, the whole place is rigged and full of blades, spikes, bombs, and wire.  Does this seem like too much? Maybe, but I’m going to go ahead and say NO.  Like I said earlier, there are so many elements to the film, almost too much, but luckily for someone like me, this was basically the bloodbath of my dreams.  I even cringed a few times, it was that bad.  Gorror fans, I instruct all of you to get up out of your seats and find the next available showing, you will not regret it.