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Maybe something has been in my drinking water lately.  Maybe I am just generally in a better mood than I usually am when watching horror films.  Maybe my prayers for decent, watchable horror movies have finally been answered and slowly but surely, quality horror is making its way on to the big screen.  Either way, I was stunned that I enjoyed The Town That Dreaded Sundown as much as I did and can’t wait to tell you why you will most likely enjoy it as well.  First of all, 4/5 stars, would highly recommend NOT missing this film.  Second of all, bloody and gory sex and violence.  As much as I despise the whole “sex sells” concept, especially when half of a horror film is based around corny sex scenes rather than an actual plot, this movie came up with some creative scenes that definitely delivered a happy ending.  I have to admit, some of the scenes were a little explicit, more than that corny shit you’re used to seeing in horror. I’ll leave it at that.  However, they made for some deliciously twisted kill scenes.  The story itself was decent enough, not too much of a mindfuck.  High school girl survives brutal attack while hooking up with boyfriend in middle of woods.  Small town in the Midwest full of hicks and bible thumpers use hilariously religious cliches to stop pre-marital sex.  Everyone gets laid and then dies in brutal and original kill scenes at the hands of our masked serial killer.  Said high school girl attempts research on the history of infamous boogeyman/ serial killer. Twists and turns occur and we found out who was unexpectedly the killer this whole time.  Like I said, decent yet standard plot.  However, I loved the way it was executed and that it truly was an entertaining and somewhat intelligent scare.  Usually in horror films, I feel like I am trapped watching mildly educated characters get picked off one by one by the serial killer.  Basically, I feel like most serial killer films are just a countdown of stupid characters dying in creative ways until the only remaining character, the one with the intelligence of all the other characters combined, unmasks the killer and defeats him.  Not saying that this movie was any different, but at least I didn’t hate every single character in the movie solely based off of their stupidity.  Each of the characters put up a good fight in their murder scenes and didn’t have that corny bullshit personality that most horror movie characters have.  The kill scenes were surprisingly brutal, I even had to look away a few times because of the blood and absolute heartlessness of the killer.  I would be lying if I said that the ending had some crazy surprise twist to it.  Nothing about the movie was really that much of a thought-stealer or anything you would think about once the movie was over.  I do have to say though, that the movie was very entertaining and fun to watch.  It keeps your attention the whole time and for once, I feel like I don’t have to put up with any corny bullshit.  Actually I lied, the religious cliches are still there, but only contributed to the hilarity and the religious undertones in the film.  I wasn’t necessarily sold on this film right from the beginning,but by the end I was completely satisfied; enough that I wrote this great review and am now encouraging you to watch as well.  As usual, “share your scare” in the comments and let me know what you think of the film!

The Movie & Music Network

Posted: February 4, 2015 in News

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Two years into my “career” as a horror movie junkie with a passion for writing, I am happy to say, someone has decided I am interesting enough to partner with me and help me grow said career.  The Movie and Music Network has contacted me with an exciting opportunity to review the movies on their website.  Obviously, I wouldn’t have accepted this position without giving you guys, my loyal readers, the goods.  If you sign up through me, you can get half off for the first month of using their services.  Here is a bit about what they have to offer, directly from the Director of Communications, Sonia Chopra:

 “A little bit about us – We started about a year ago… we have been called Netflix’s culty and independent step-brother … We have the same business model as the company ($5.99 a month for unlimited streaming) but we cater to a completely different audience, demographic, market , and frankly… we have 0 of their mainstream content. Horror movie enthusiasts can enjoy all we have to offer for the price of a cup of coffee and a scone every month – unlimited streaming of our network via Roku, Android, iOS and online. Currently, we are switching over to Amazon as our web-streaming service, which is very exciting!

 Lastly, we just launched another network – the 99 Cent Network – a movie superstore for people who want to buy bundles of our films to build a library of cinema. They can even share that library for free with a friend too! We have an “Everybody Wins” giveaway going on right now for 3 FREE horror movies – www.99centnetwork.com/promocode for merely going to our site – use Promo Code HORROR1. It’s something fun we have started for the new year, and a cool giveaway to those who come visit our new site.”

Basically, think of the horror movies you’ve never heard of: B-Movies, exploitation films, 1930’s-1960’s horror.  That movie that you have tried to order off Amazon but couldn’t find a single copy of it? Movie and Music Network has it. The movie that you’ve Googled hundreds of times but can’t seem to find a single link to stream it online? This website is full of them.  That weird sexploitation film that you’re too afraid to admit you secretly want to see? Hundreds of them available for you to choose from. Not to mention the other genres it has available.  I would highly recommend this website for die-hard cinema fans, lots of new films to discover and even music to check out.  Let me know what you guys think in the comments! Curious to know everyone’s opinions on the movies they have to offer.

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Starry Eyes

Posted: January 6, 2015 in Independent Horror

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If I could only pick one word to sum up this whole film, it would be “damn”.  Damn, that was a good film.  Damn, that was a completely unexpected turn of events.  Damn, I can’t wait to write a review on this newly discovered gem.  Because of my crippling laziness, I would hope that my one-word review, “damn” would be enough to convince you that ya, you need to see this movie.  If “damn” is not enough to merely convince, try this one for size: I’m giving the movie 4/5 stars.  To anyone who religiously reads my blog (first of all, thank you), you should know that anything above 3 stars is rare on my blog, thanks to my picky taste in horror.  However, I cannot recommend this film enough and hope that upon reaching the end of this film, you feel the same.  Overall this film was one of the weirdest and wackiest rides I’ve been on in ages. I absolutely loved the concept, if you can handle bizarre over-the-top films. The main character, whose name I forget because clearly I never pay attention to any names in films, is a struggling “actress” hoping to do whatever it takes to make it to the top.  From the beginning of the film, we can see she is more than just a pretty face and she is actually quite mad and deranged.  The casting directors which she auditions in front of display behavior that is as equally disturbing. During the course of the film, we aren’t quite sure if she is possessed by a spirit or if this disease she has contracted is merely eating her away.  Either way,this film compares to the recent horror movie “Contracted” in that she is slowly deteriorating all while she is losing her sanity.  The film continues to get weirder and weirder as she falls apart at the seams, which in turn is actually quite gruesome and gory.  This film ends with a bang as some of the most brutal scenes I have seen recently unfold in this nightmarish film.  The ending is just absolutely apeshit and makes sitting through the movie worth it.  If you find that you just aren’t enjoying the film, wait until the end comes.  I’m telling you, the crazy, blood-spattered finale is the cherry on top of this beautifully iced cake.  The acting is surprisingly good considering the cast is full of unknowns. I must admit, as much as I liked the concept of the film, I felt like it was a little too similar to the storyline of “Contracted”, another newer horror film. I want to give it points for originality, but I really feel like it copied this film a little too closely.  Other than that, this film is solid and blood-soaked.  Start your year off right with a good 4/5 star movie.  Let me know what you think in the comments!

Splinter

Posted: December 12, 2014 in Uncategorized

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For a movie who’s opening scene was a man getting mauled by what looked like a rabid beaver, this movie was not quite as bad as one would think.  I will leave it up to the reader to determine how bad “not quite as bad” really is.  With each scene of the movie, it actually got more and more ridiculous; a killer porcupine, a robbery gone wrong, a completely drugged out girlfriend.  Overall the movie was a pretty strange ride, but sadly, I cannot recommend this glorified piece of garbage to you.  If you haven’t figured it out already, the premise of the story is a robbery gone wrong when a lethal porcupine steps into the picture, leaving the characters all to fight for themselves while barricaded inside a convenient store for protection.  At least I can point out that the film is original, and I doubt there will be a remake, so that’s a plus, right? As if this movie wasn’t dumb enough for me to watch, writing about is actually seems to be negatively affecting my IQ.  “Why am I even bothering writing about this?”, you may ask.  Well, as usual, I am being my absolutely selfless self and stopping you from watching a movie that, as you can tell, is almost too dumb for me to write about.  Browsing through Netflix and seeing that I’ve already watched every 1-star (in my opinion) film they had to offer, I was surprised when Splinter showed up with a solid 3-star review.  On top of that, seeing as it is in my nature to judge a book by its cover (don’t judge me), I thought the movie poster looked cool and immediately decided to proceed, without caution of course.  I have the admit, at least some of the gore, violence, originality, and suspense was kinda cool.  I could have seen this movie being a solid creature feature if they wouldn’t have used a damn porcupine to do all the dirty work.  The story actually is kinda cool, but you can’t help but feel like a complete moron while watching a film about a killer porcupine.  To avoid these feelings of shame, take a detour and bypass this movie completely. Otherwise, proceed with caution………. 2/5 stars in my opinion.

The Houses October Built

Posted: November 13, 2014 in Found Footage

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I was referred to this movie by a friend; a very reliable friend who’s horror movie opinion I trust and value.  After peeping the trailer, I was convinced that this was going to be the next greatest scare I had experienced after years of disappointing horror movies.  To make a long story short, said friend and I are no longer friends.  Just kidding, I’m being a bit dramatic.  However, I now know I cannot trust his taste in movies, as this film was a rather huge disappointment. The film looked promising.  Even though its found footage, which is a bit overplayed these days, the plot was something I’d never heard before: 4 horror enthusiasts embarking on a Halloween cross-country road trip in search of the the scariest and most frightening haunted house.  I myself have spent hours in transit to various locations, seeking out the best possible scare.  This film though, spent the majority of time in transit and only a small amount of time showing actual scares.  To add insult to injury, the movie stopped playing halfway in between and I was too tired to wait for it to load again, so I did what I do with movies I don’t give a shit about: I slept and decided to resume the film the next day.  To anybody that knows good horror, you know that you will stay up to ridiculous hours of the night just to finish a good film.  The fact that I chose sleep over finishing this movie was a red flag for me.  Although the film had maybe about 2 or 3 good scares, it was mostly pretty bland and the action was non-existent.  The characters were about as typical as they come when you have a found footage horror with a camera crew as its main characters.  You have the 3 camera guys and the 1 hot girl that doesn’t seem to add much to the film and you find yourself asking why her, or any of them for that matter, are even there.  I do have to give the film credit, in that it does toy with a truly terrifying idea about what can really make us shake in our boots when entering haunted houses.  In the film we meet a variety of weird and crazy characters who make themselves the main attractions of the haunted house.  Now if the main characters of this film would have been these people instead of the camera crew, I think the film would have been 100% better.  Many creepy and bizarre things happen in the film when they show some of the haunted houses they explore and people they meet, which may have been its only redeeming quality.  All the scares that you expect in a found footage are there, which makes this film almost difficult to watch because its just so predictable.  This film truly had so much potential.  If only the story had been told from the angle of the villains, not the camera crew, if only…….. Anyways that’s a thought for me to entertain another time.  I’m going to have to go ahead and NOT recommend this movie.  I was sucked in by the trailer and thought that it was an absolute must-see.  Turns out, the trailer is actually better than the movie; it took me an hour and a half to figure that one out.  However, if you feel that you absolutely must watch this film, I will say that the displays they put on in the haunted houses are pretty badass and bizarre, only 5 minutes of the film worth watching, hands down.  Otherwise I would recommend redirecting the hour and half that the film takes and instead spending that time to visit an actual haunted house. Who knows, maybe it will be the scare of your life……… Comment below with your thoughts if you have seen this film. What is the scariest haunted house you’ve ever been to?

Teeth

Posted: May 19, 2014 in Independent Horror

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What a fun, comical, surprisingly gruesome little gem this was.  For a movie that’s about a girl whose vagina mutilates and castrates penises during sex (sounds oscar-worthy yeah?), this movie was much better than expected.  This is a strange little flick, about a high school girl that suffers from a mutation of some sort that leaves here with an extra set of teeth (can you guess where?).  Our main character, Dawn, is  girl who speaks out against the impurities of pre-marital sex and goes around local high schools preaching abstinence while flashing her promise ring and encouraging others to “make the promise”.  From here, it only gets weirder.  Dawn meets a boy she likes and begins spending time with him.  This leads her to discover the horror that lies within her (literally).  Dawn’s lady parts seem to get her into a lot of trouble, and not the good trouble I might add.  I’m talking about the type of trouble that will leave you cringing and gagging at some of the things you see on screen.  I wouldn’t say this movie is scary, not in the least bit.  Its more of a horror comedy with a taste for some serious gnarly gore.  I’m not going to say this movie was fantastic, because truly it didn’t seem like it took an Einstein to write the plot, but I would definitely have to recommend it; 3.5/ 5 stars easily.  Its fun and funny in its own way.  Dawn is a seemingly naive yet lovable, good-hearted, and smart character; a character in a movie that finally has some substance and is different than what I’m used to in “horror” movies.  The plot of the movie is as funny and original as it is gross and cringe-worthy.  I guarantee this is a story you haven’t heard before.  At some of the scenes I wasn’t sure if I wanted to laugh or vomit.  Its a good mix of elements that’s made the movie worth watching for me.  If you’re looking for a gory laugh, this film definitely hits the spot. Enjoy the movie!

We Are What We Are

Posted: April 23, 2014 in Independent Horror

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I must say, I am surprised at how good this movie was, and even more surprised that I’m giving it a 4/5 stars.  The amount of 1, 2, and barely 3-star “horror” films I have watched in the past few months has been depressing.  I had actually given up on the genre entirely and couldn’t be happier to have stumbled upon this gem to start restoring my faith.  I recommend this original horror to anyone that is ready for something NEW.  “We Are What We Are” is about a family of cannibals that have passed this “tradition” down from generation to generation.  When the mother in the film passes away, it is the two eldest daughters’ responsibilities to continue the tradition and not only kill, but cook the human flesh for the family.  I must admit, the film started out very slow and boring, almost to the point where I almost just stopped watching the movie.  However, when it gets good, it gets GOOD.  For the amount of time it took to get to the good parts of the film, it was worth every second.  This movie was not nearly as gory as I would have liked it to be (c’mon we’re talking cannibals and dead bodies, show some unrelenting brutality), but in reality some of the scenes were actually pretty nauseating.  Watching the family eat dinner was gross.  If you didn’t know it was actual human meat, you would have assumed it was just any family dinner (like I said, lacking on the gore).  But just the fact that you knew it was human meat made the dinner scenes nauseating to watch.  I must say, the acting and the characters were so DRAB.  This movie completely lacked in that department, I couldn’t have been more bored by them if I tried.  Seeing as the characters didn’t add anything to the film, the plot and the kill scenes are what made me give it such a good rating.  Everything was really original and at times it was more brutal than expected considering how boring some of the other components of the film were.  One of the scenes that truly struck me as just sick and amazing is when their backyard starts flooding and all the bones of all the bodies they have buried begin washing into the river behind their house.  I thought this scene was just epic and totally fresh.  The father jumps into the river and furiously tries to throw all the decomposing bodies and bones back onto their land, but unfortunately he is just outnumbered by limbs.  And let’s not forget the end of the film; all I have to say is that that scene is epic and badass on the account of the two daughters.  There’s lots of actions and twists and turns at the end of the movie.  A lot of what I saw was really original and didn’t replicate anything I have seen in previous horrors.  The cannibal genre is pretty untouched.  The Hannibal movies were extremely successful, but I haven’t seen any popular cannibalistic films since.  If you’re down to sit through a slow beginning, I would recommend this film.  I’m not going to say that this is an absolute “must-see”, but if you’re stuck in a horror rut with the same mindless garb that you have been watching over and over, try this one out for size and let me know if you enjoy it. Cheers!