Posts Tagged ‘movie review’

evil dead 2

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been wanting to watch Evil Dead 2.  I meant to watch it last week.  I meant to watch it the week before that.  I even meant to watch it the week before that one, but hey, procrastination is my middle name.  Finally I got a chance to watch this oldie for my first time and I can honestly say it may have been the best decision I made this week.  A hilarious gorefest, I just could not get enough.  Ash returns to the cabin to relive what he basically experienced in the first movie.  My major complaint about this movie is that it reused many of the scenes and concepts from the first film.  I fully believe that Sam Raimi is a genius and that the Evil Dead is easily one of the most iconic films in horror, but I was expecting a bit more originality in the sequel.  Bottom line of horror movie sequels is that they are never better or even equally is good as the first one.  Seeing as I’ve heard nothing but great things about Evil Dead 2, there is also a possibility that I set the bar too high for this one.  Anyways, to continue with my review, I absolutely loved Ash and the insane man he turned into upon returning to the cabin.  Also, the ‘dead’ stepped up their act and were as mischievous as ever, my favorite being Ash’s severed hand running around the cabin with its own agenda.  Much of the movie was kind of a trip for me, and the corniness factor definitely helped contribute to the non-stop laughs from this film.  Even though the original Evil Dead is one of my favorite horror films, I had to give its sequel only 4 out of 5 stars.  I felt like the sequel was the same story as the first film.  On top of that, the ending of the film was a little too gnarly and trippy for me.  I’m not going to lie, I thought the ending was so random that actually it was quite fantastic, but I still envisioned a different ending that would tie up or at least make sense of what I had sat through.  I liked the creativity and the way that the ending left you hanging, but it was just a little too far out there for my liking.  The whole movie was a little too far out there for me, but I was able to appreciate the over-the-top horror movie corniness and humor they incorporated into the film.  I would love to go on recommending this to everyone, but I’m quite aware this is not everybody’s cup of tea.  Some people just don’t get horror comedy.  For those of us that have seen enough horror films to where we actually can find comedy in it, this is THE perfect film for you.  Some horror fans like their gore to be serious and disturbing.  Evil Dead 2 takes gore and makes it bearable because of the hilarity that ensues.  Who ever though a severed hand could have such a personality and sense of humor? I would have to say this is one of the best horror comedies I’ve ever seen and this is a definite must-see for anyone who is a fan of this sub-genre.

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Texas-Chainsaw-Massacre-3D-2013-Movie-Poster

The newest release in the TCM series seemed like the perfect occasion for me to drink my ass off with my friends while sporting some 3D glasses.  With that being said, that was exactly what I did.  Being the classy bitch I am, I nursed my paperbag-clad bottle of wine for the duration of the movie to ensure the absolute best movie-going experience, and here’s how it went down:

Overall, I would give the movie 2.5 out of 5 stars.  Seriously, not really that great of a plot, not many twists and turns, and too little screen time for all the characters except for the main character.  If you like seeing horror movies on the big screen, then yes I would recommend this.  If you are a huge TCM fan just like me, I would also recommend this.  If you are legitimately looking for a scary movie with a good plot, I would probably tell you to go look somewhere else because this is NOT your film.  The movie starts out with clips from the original TCM, which I found unnecessary.  Personally, I don’t like when remakes bring clips from the original films because I feel like it tarnishes and often contradicts the original storyline.  Anyways, that happened and the story ceased to make any sense from the get-go.  As usual with remakes containing footage from the originals, the plot changed and somehow Leatherface started the film with a huge family that was gunned down, with only him and his baby cousin surviving.  Fast forward 18 years, or however many years the main character, Heather, is supposed to be and her biological grandmother dies, leaving her an astonishingly beautiful estate.  Yes, there were a few differences between this and the original, but when 5 young adults take a van out to the middle of nowhere for a “vacation”, you know they’re all going to be hacked up into little pieces except for the main character.  So, with that being said, there’s really not much more to say about this film.  Its not like this is a new concept or anything, everything that was done on screen has been done a million times before and definitely done better.  I love myself a good 3d film, but unfortunately this one was lacking in effects and didn’t make the extra money spent on 3d vision worth it.  The gore was mildly cool, but nothing that you haven’t seen before.  The main character, Heather, was so typical, it killed me.  For once could they please make a character of substance? I guess not…. As for the other characters, the killings were way too simple and there was no game of cat and mouse between Leatherface and his victims, which I found made the movie pretty boring.  All the characters died pretty early on with little to no struggle, which is what made me rate the movie so low.  Heather was the only character constantly on screen, and even she wasn’t that interesting.

The story did take an interesting twist though and showed Leatherface as a different character than he was portrayed originally, but this didn’t really make the plot that much more “amazing”.  Thinking back on it, it was kind of dumb but it did have some good scares in there that got me going.  In my drunken stupor, yes I was that asshole in the theater jumping out of my seat screaming.  I’m not sure if the circumstances would have changed if I wasn’t under the influence of alcohol, but it sure did make my movie-viewing experience more enjoyable.  Overall, I would say you can definitely skip this movie and just never look back.  But if you are like me and you just have to see every scary movie that comes out on the big screen, then go ahead and bite the bullet, however, you have been warned about the content of this movie.

kill-list-91ay3mg7gzl-aa1500-jpg-4985af52bcdc2753Not since A Serbian Film or Irreversible have I seen such a shocking and disturbing film.  I just finished watching Kill List and I am completely on my ass, and still almost out of breath.  5 out of 5 starts no doubt, this movie takes the cake for movies that are beyond fucked up.  I am officially in love and hope that anyone reading this post has either seen it already, or has plans to see it in the near future.  If not, this is a top priority for all horror, gore, and disturbing film fans.  The film is based upon the lives of two hitmen, Jay and Gal who decide to take up a job offing people in order to help them with their financial troubles.  Jay is already kind of losing it from a traumatic experience serving in Kiev (which we never find the details out about), and is pretty much teetering on the line between insanity and normalcy.  Between the yelling matches between him and his wife Shel and the brutal beatings he gives those on the kill list, you can tell things are looking bleak for him.  The first assassination on their list is a priest.  Controversial, but not very entertaining.  Their second assassination is a librarian.  At this point, things get interesting.  Gal and Jay stumble upon the librarian’s collection of home films and discover he is a pedophile, pervert, and rapist.  Although it doesn’t actually show what is contained in the footage, the audio from the videos and the reactions from Jay and Gal are enough to let the audience know that these are some brutal sickos and we should be THANKFUL we did not have to witness what was on the film.  This sends Jay over the edge and transforms him into a cold, sadistic killer.  Instead of taking the traditional route in hitman killing (aka using a silencer and 50 pounds of saran wrap), he chooses a hammer as his weapon of choice and fucks this pedophile librarian up.  The brutality was intense, to say the least.  I couldn’t believe how graphic it was watching him bash this guy’s brains in.  On top of that he really loses it when he tracks down his accomplices (who are not on the kill list) and gives them the hammer treatment as well.  It is clear now that Jay has transformed from husband/father to violent killer.

For the first hour of the movie, I have to admit it was slow moving.  I kept checking how long was left in the movie because there really was no climax up until the end.  Halfway through the movie, I wasn’t too impressed with how everything had turned out because it came off as more of a violent thriller than a horror.  I felt like I was waiting and waiting for that twist to come and knock me onto my ass.  It dragged on, and for the most part I was just waiting to be scared.  In fact, I almost wanted to deduct half a point from this film, but the ending makes it all worth it.  Now, what type of person would I be if I ruined the ending of one of the greatest movies I’ve seen this year for you guys?  I’ll keep it short, simple, and vague.  At the hour mark, shit started getting scary, real scary.  The background music was over-the-top amazing, in that it truly set the mood and got your heart racing.  The movie takes an extremely strange twist, and the unexpectedness of this twist make it incredibly creepy and puts you on the edge of your seat.  All the unknown variables in the movie are what make it so scary and I guarantee you will end this movie not being able to get out of your seat for a few minutes because you literally got the wind knocked out of you.

I feel like a lot of people might disagree with my rating of the movie, in that they rated it lower than me due to the slow moving-ness of the plot and the questionable ending that really has no proven explanation.  Yes, the plot began getting boring because there was so little moving the story along, but when the “BAM” moment happens, it gives you a run for your money and leaves you with your jaw just hanging there.  My justification for the 5 out of 5 stars rating is that the twists in the ending were so shocking, unexpected, unexplainable, and even perverse, that this made all the boring parts of the movie worth it.  If you have seen this movie, please post in the comments, as I would love to have some discussions with other viewers about what a mindfuck this whole thing was.  If you haven’t seen it yet, I’m expecting I will be the first person you will contact upon completion of this movie.  Only watch if you dare……

thale

Oh Thale, I had so much faith in you and you failed me.  From the second I peeped the trailer I had high expectations of this movie and thought it might be the breath of fresh air I needed from the repetitive slasher genre I have not been able to pull myself away from.  Sadly, I was disappointed because I set the bar high for this one and it didn’t meet my expectations…. solid 3 out of 5 stars. However, I would recommend this movie because I still LIKED it.  The movie had potential but I found that it didn’t deliver as much as I thought it would.  Obviously the storyline was extremely original, the acting was really amazing, visually I was very stimulated, but the story line still fell short because I felt like it lacked excitement and action.

The film starts out with Leo and Elvis performing their daily duties at their job.  They work for a cleaning crew that seems to specialize in crime scene cleanup.  Poor Elvis has quite the weak stomach and cannot stop vomiting at each gruesome scene he stumbles upon.  Because I’m a total sicko, I obviously liked these parts and was intrigued each time they showed what he was actually cleaning up.  The movie wasn’t overly gory, in fact barely gory at all, but what I did witness was still great.  The movie starts getting scary when they are called to clean up an old cabin in the woods.  Obviously when you mix the aspect of abandoned cabin and scary ass forest, you know shit is gonna go down.  What I loved, is it doesn’t go down the way you think it will.

As Elvis and Leo start picking up around the house, they discover a door that leads to an old and dusty cellar (typical).  The cellar is complete with the mysterious creepy, dusty, abandoned set-up that you would ordinarily see in a horror film, except this time there is a bathtub filled with water.  At first it seems unsuspecting until Thale pops out and scares the living shit out of everyone (including me).  At first they think she is just some chick that has been held captive in this basement for x amount of years and begin feeding her and clothing her.  Through a serious of recorded tapes they find in the basement, it is revealed that she is actually a mythical creature called a Huldra and she possesses magical powers including the ability to heal anything she touches and also the ability to transmit memories and thoughts to any human she touches.  Now this is the point in the movie where everything began to fall short.  Instead of there being a climax/ major conflict, you learn her background story which really isn’t all that interesting.  She gets captured by an old man when she is a little girl and he raises her and takes care of her, end of story.  After discovering that she is a creature and not a human being, I thought that shit was gonna go down and the story was gonna get crazy… I was wrong.  The rest of the story is kind of smooth sailing and there is not enough action to really satisfy.  The first half of the movie and the buildup was so amazing, that I couldn’t believe it just fell flat at the halfway point. Ya some cool violent bloody shit happens, but nothing that is really memorable.  I’ll admit, there are a few good scares and this movie is perfect to watch in the dark.

Thale is not the over-the-top movie you’ve been looking for.  It truly is completely average but the only reason I would recommend it is because it is so different than any other horror that has been released.  Nordic folklore is obviously not a subject most horror movies tend to touch upon and I loved the scary twist they put on an ancient tale.  I love learning about other countries, and there’s always something so captivating about folklore because these tales have been around for hundreds and hundreds of years.  This movie isn’t going to put you on your ass with its amazing-ness, but I would definitely recommend it because it was so indie and actually extremely beautifully made considering the low budget.  I wouldn’t put this high on the priority list of scary flicks to watch, but if you’re looking for something new and original with an actual good storyline, check it out! I’m not saying you WON’T regret it, but I surely hope you don’t its kind of a gem.

the-exorcist-original

I did a little background research and have discovered that The Exorcist was the first movie of its kind, and for that it gets 4 out of 5 stars in my book. As a precursor for all the shitty exorcism movies that come out on a consistent basis, The Exorcist is basically the OG film and sets the bar for all other religious/ supernatural films.  Besides for Rosemary’s Baby, which also dabbles in Satanic children and religion, The Exorcist is completely original and is easily one of my favorite films because of the subject matter.  Poor little Regan, an innocent 12-year old girl, is possessed by a demonic force that not only makes her sexually explicit, but it always gives her almost acrobatic skills in that she is able to completely manipulate her joints.  I may have just made this sound like she turned into some type of pornstar nympho, but believe me, it is much worse than that.  Between fucking herself with a crucifix and vomiting on multiple priests, I would say this demonic force has made her as far from a pornstar nympho as possible.  Regan starts out with little outbursts here and there and eventually it turns physical.  Her appearance is warped and disturbing and she goes from adorable 12 year old to foul-mouthed Chuckie doll look-a-like.  Even though I totally love this movie for its originality, I can honestly say I didn’t feel like there were any plot twists or turns that made the movie truly interesting.

Basically the movie is just about a couple priest infiltrating the situation and performing an exorcism on this young girl.  The setting never really changes and the characters (besides for Regan and her mother) were not complex enough to make an impact on me or to really make them memorable in my head.  Obviously this sexually perverted demon that possesses Regan to utter obscenities, masturbate in front of priests, and even come on to them in the most explicit ways, gave major bonus points in my book. Remember, Regan is 12, just let that sink in. She even goes as far as to force her mother’s face down in her crotch while yelling at her to fuck her.  This disturbing-ness in the movie is definitely what put it high up there as a priority for any must-see movie lists.  The acting is perfectly done as well between Regan and her mother, Chris.  Regan nails possessed child and manages to put many disturbing and memorable images in your head, including a scene where she practically crab-walks down the staircase with blood spewing out of her mouth.  Chris shows the perfect amount of despair in trying to find a cure for her daughter and also the right amount of shock and horror as her daughter’s personality and appearance change into quite the disturbing view to look at.  I would have to recommend this film to everyone seeing as it is literally the original exorcism film and basically started the trend in religious horror movies which are still popular as ever today.  Considering all the advances in technology and changes within the horror genre, The Exorcist is very basic compared to what is out there now-a-days.  However, I truly believe you cannot consider yourself a real horror fan until you have not only seen this movie, but have found a special place for it in your heart.  Oh how 70’s horror flicks always fills me with nostalgia. Now go rewatch this film for the 100000th time, as I am assuming you have all seen it. If not, you should probably stop living under a rock and just peep this already.

Wake Wood poster

Gorror fans, if it wasn’t for you I would have taken the first available fork I could find and stabbed my eyeballs out so I could have prevented myself from watching this absolutely horrible movie.  Complete spin-off of Stephen King’s “Pet Semetary” but nowhere near as great.  This movie is an abomination to horror, so please whatever you do, don’t see it!  The movie starts out, literally within the first minute and a half, with 9-year old Alice being eaten alive by some savage dog.  Although it may sound borderline cool and gory, it was actually the most confusing thing I’ve ever seen and it seriously just looked like blood was being splattered on her in different camera angles.  At this moment, I knew I would be in for a hellish ride and I immediately began searching for a sharp object with which I could use to gouge my eyes out.  If only I would have found that sharp object……..

Anyways Patrick and Louise, both with the personalities and emotions of a cardboard box, “grieve” the death of their only child.  And by grieve I mean show as little emotion as possible while going around and doing nothing.  In fact, none of the characters really “do” anything, they are merely just there to add to the scenery.  The dialogue didn’t do anything for me, the acting didn’t do anything for me, hell, the blood didn’t even do anything for me.  Unacceptable!  By some random turn of events Patrick and Louise stumble upon some type of cult/ gathering in their small town that specializes in resurrecting the dead.  The only catch is, they are only allowed 3 days with their loved one until they must be put back into the ground.  At this point in the movie, the genre shifted from quasi-horror to full-on comedy.  Get this: in order to bring back Alice, her parents must use a freshly dead body, coat it in a layer of manure/ shit, set it on fire, and then do some other chanting bullshit.  At this moment I was practically in tears, and then it got even better.  The feces-covered corpse then gives birth to a very bloody and also very naked Alice. Awkward.  I wasn’t sure what the fuck I just watched, but I figured if I was half way there and hadn’t resorted to stabbing my eyes out yet, I could sit through the last half of the movie.

I think the point of the story was for Alice to come back to life as some possessed little kid.  But because the acting and the dialogue were so horrific, she was the same bland little girl she was before Fido decided she looked like a good meal.  Despite her being devoid of any emotion or personality, 70 pound Alice manages to kill 3 adults who cannot fend against someone 30+ years younger than them. That came off to me as a bit strange.  The characters in the movie literally sat there as she did whatever she had to do to kill them.  No screaming, no opposition, not enough blood, stupid camera angle, I can go on and on.  This is where I began getting confused, and for the life of me I’m not sure what explanation I can give for what I witnessed on film.  Basically, Alice’s 3 days are up, they re-kill her, re-bury her, and for some reason she drags Louise down with her.  I’m not sure why this happened or what meaning it had, but Patrick decides he needs to go through the same “Pet Semetary” bullshit he just went through with Alice so he could get his wife back for 3 days. I’m not sure why this movie was even classified as horror, seeing as it doesn’t even have the potential to scare a 5 year-old.  I easily gave this movie 0 out of 5 stars, there were literally no redeeming qualities to even make this movie semi-enjoyable.  You can all thank me later for the fact that I just spared you from watching one of the most horrible movies of your life.  I took one for the team, cuz thats just who I am.  Now please, spread the word to stay as far away from this film as possible.

the loved ones

After viewing the trailer for The Loved Ones, I really thought I would be in for yet another Aussie treat.  Unfortunately, I was a bit disappointed and only think I will be giving this movie 3 out of 5 stars.  If you picked up that this movie was extremely disturbing, you are correct.  Lola, the main character, not only has a severely fucked up almost incestuous relationship with her father, she suffers from some pretty heavy emotional issues which cause her to partake in the brutal torture of kidnapped prom dates.  Now, I’m not sure how many of you have been turned down when asking somebody out, but I have more times than I’m willing to acknowledge.  Lola takes rejection as an excuse to just go completely apeshit, to the point where some of the scenes in the movie border torture porn.  I, on the other hand, prefer the “handle of Smirnoff followed by copious amounts of Taco Bell” route, Lola– take notes.  Anyways Lola and her father has some type of fucked up relationship thats a bit much for me to explore, but he is the one who kidnaps the boys and brings them back to their trailer for Lola to torture and kill.  Sexy-ass Brent, as I like to refer to the other main character in the film, is just too damn sexy (or lucky/ strong/ smart would suffice) to be killed off by this sadistic body of hormones and her nutjob father.

The scene that takes place at the dinner table is amongst one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen.  It is perverted, sadistic, and just overall uncomfortable, even hard to watch at times.  Like I said, Lola is just beyond psychotic and the acting is done very well, I was legitimately creeped out.  What I DIDN’T like about this scene, was that I thought it was unnecessary.  You receive more background information on Brent rather than Lola, and I feel like this scene almost had no meaning because there is no explanation as to why Lola is the way she is.  She’s just this crazy fucking bitch that likes to have mock proms at her house and torture her kidnapped prom dates until they eventually die or are turned into, yes you guessed it, zombies.  There’s no backstory as to why she’s obsessed with prom or what type of rejection lead her to do this, it just is.  And zombies…… really? Does every abduction movie need to turn into the kidnappers force-feeding their victims some type of “zombie solvent”?  I thought that was pretty pointless and actually took away from the movie.

As always, the gore was really cool and cringeworthy, I think I actually closed my eyes for part of it, which is surprising considering I have no soul and eat torture porn for breakfast.  That was the only really awesome part of the movie.  Another really disturbing and unique part of the movie was Lola’s prom photo album.  Apparently this whole “kidnap a prom date and throw a mock prom in my dad’s trailer” has been going on since she was 6 years old, and she has the photos to prove it.  Its definitely an overwhelmingly disturbing thought to think about children under the age of 10 being subjected to the torture you see Brent go through.  That was a truly creepy part and didn’t really sit well with me.  Otherwise the lack of backstory made the movie seem kind of pointless and there was no emotional attachment I felt to the characters.  Brent was sexy as fuck, I would probably watch the movie again just so I can shamelessly check him out for an hour and a half.  Maybe if you really love the Aussie accent and you are just looking for your typical kidnap/torture film, you could tune into it.  But otherwise, I’m not going to go ahead and give my recommendation for this one, its too average and lacks any sort of complexity.